Today is my parents 48th wedding anniversary. What a remarkable day to celebrate this special, and (frankly) uncommon milestone. Only they know all of the memories they’ve created over the last 48 years together. In sickness and in health, good times and bad, annoying habits and all. I am filled with love, admiration and respect for what they have created and I am grateful they are healthy, happy and continue to support and love each other. There’s so much to learn from relationships that have endured years together.
Today is also a pivotal day for Jeff and I. As I sign their anniversary card, I find myself feeling the tension between fear and hope. Today, we get the latest scan results. We’ve been through this several times – actually, every 3-4 months. We head to the hospital, meet with the oncologist and learn whether the current treatment is working. If it’s working, we continue. If it’s not, we switch to something else. I’ve been intentionally upping my FQ (fun quotient) and gratitude exercises the last few days to ward off the worry. Yoga, movies, playtime with the dogs have been great tools. And, it’s also helped that I’m in the middle of final exams which keeps my mind focused (most of the time).
Today, we greet the Y in the road.
When Jeff was diagnosed, the oncologist created with us, a roadmap of viable treatment options that outline levels of toxicity and impact on quality of life. We’ve been using that sheet of paper over the last 2 years, evaluating and selecting the best option, including clinical trials, based on scan results.
We’ve reached the end of that roadmap.
And, herein lies the tension between fear and hope.
Will we walk out of the oncologist and head into chemotherapy for the next 3 days?
Or – will we go back home to start a different set of discussions.
To be continued…